Obama issues Executive Order banning new car sales after crazed driver mows down pedestrians in Las Vegas

As a logical corrollary to his ongoing gun confiscation effort, President Obama has now issued an Executive Order banning new car sales. The decision was prompted by the latest assault with a deadly vehicle, in which a car plowed into pedestrians on the Las Vegas Strip, killing one person and injuring 37 others.^[1]

After signing the Executive Order, Obama took to the airwaves and launched into one of his anti-car diatribes:

“There’s been another mass plowing in America. And although it happened in our tackiest city, there are some good folks there who don’t deserve to get run over like that. But as I said just a few months ago, and I said a few months before that, and I said each time we see one of these mass plowings, our thoughts and prayers are not enough. We are the only advanced country on Earth that sees these kinds of mass plowings every few months. There is a car for roughly every man, woman and child in America. So how can you, with a straight face, make the argument that more cars will make us safer? We know that states with fewer cars tend to have the fewest mass plowings.”

But those in the pro-car movement cite statistics that show over 90% of the mass plowings in America actually take place at “car free zones.”

Meanwhile, conservative pundits have discussed the merits of excluding suspects on the terror watch list from purchasing new cars, and liberals have hailed Obama’s new Executive Order as a step in the right direction toward making America safer.

The auto industry, of course, is furious. As General Motors spokesperson Bobby Buffington put it: “It’s the president’s job to bail us out, not place more regulations on us!”

Some opponents of freedom have even raised the idea of suing the car manufacturers for making such deadly weapons. Ralph Nader, who led the campaign 50 years ago which forced auto makers to build cars that were safer to drive, was asked for his take on the matter. “Back when I was fighting to put seat-belts in cars, it didn’t occur to me that someday cars would be attacking people other than their own drivers. And if we don’t act now, soon we will have self-driving cars going around killing everybody!”

[1] ReviewJournal.com