Clinton Delivers Stump Speech In Moscow Warehouse In Effort To Appeal To Russian Hackers

MOSCOW—Emphasizing that she understood their concerns and was committed to addressing them as president, Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton delivered an impassioned stump speech in an unmarked warehouse on the outskirts of Moscow Friday in an effort to appeal to Russian hackers. “Each one of you here today and all those like you around this great country are going to play a pivotal role in determining the next president of the United States, and I promise to do what it takes to earn your support,” said Clinton, delivering a 30-minute address in Russian before briefly walking through the dingy, dimly lit warehouse in the city’s Otradnoye District to shake hands and take pictures with the crowd of around 130 young hackers hunched over rows of computers. “I know that many of you are dissatisfied with the state of American politics, as am I. So I urge you to channel your frustration into helping put the right candidate for the job into office. Together, we can assure that America has a president who will fight for everyone’s interests. I hope I can count on your backing in November.” Clinton reportedly ended her speech by delivering a specific plea for support tailored to those hackers planning to launch cyberattacks on electronic voting systems in Florida, Ohio, and Nevada.

Article by The Onion