Wednesday, August 31, 2016 by newsparody
PENSACOLA, FL—Addressing recent allegations that she is physically unfit to serve in the Oval Office, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton, 68, debunked rumors about her health Monday by telling the audience at a campaign rally the exact day she will die. “To those who say I’m not able-bodied enough to be president, let me respond: I will die on January 23, 2041,” said Clinton, who then further discredited those questioning her strength and wellness by confirming she will pass away early that morning, and that the cause of death will be congestive heart failure related to her advanced age. “I will die surrounded by my loved ones, who will then mourn me for an appropriate length of time. But this won’t happen anytime soon; it will happen in 8,913 days.” Clinton then went on to reveal to the cheering crowd that her body would lie in state at the Capitol rotunda for 45 hours for public viewing and tributes before the nation honors her with a state funeral service at the Washington National Cathedral.
Read more at theonion.com