Tuesday, September 15, 2015 by newsparody
As an urgent alert to all citizens, NaturalNews is joining the Department of Homeland Security in calling for people to “report suspicious activity” at your local Wal-Mart. If we hope to beat the terrorists, it’s important for us all to spy on each other.
I’ve released a personal video of my own effort to go to Wal-Mart and observe “suspicious activity” which you can see at: http://naturalnews.tv/v.asp?v=5A4B5D4B84344D…
In my video, I explain how I saw terrorists at Wal-Mart trying to carry bombs downs their pants, and how the terrorists are now using genetic engineering to make “animal-man creatures” to try to fool the rest of us. I also observed evidence that the terrorists are sending time-traveling agents from the future to shop at Wal-Mart disguised as humanoid robots.
I’m really glad Janet Napolitano asked us all to go to Wal-Mart and monitor the place for “suspicious activity” because, as I discovered, Wal-Mart seems to be a kind of secret headquarters for international terrorism activities. I’m pretty sure I saw a guy planning to bomb something (or maybe he was just trying out a measuring tape, I can’t be sure), and I’m certain there was another guy who must have been a terrorist because he was talking to himself (or maybe he was just on his cell phone, I can’t be sure about that either).
The strangest part of all is that I saw people trying to kill their families by shopping at Wal-Mart. Yep, they were buying processed junk food laced with toxic chemical food additives and artificial colors. Apparently, they planned to take these items home and feed them to their children, which I’m pretty sure is an act of food terrorism.
I also saw people lining up at the Wal-Mart pharmacy to buy patented chemical medications, most of which probably qualify as medical terrorism.
In fact, from the moment I set foot in that Wal-Mart store, I’m quite certain I was observing suspicious activity from start to finish. To me, the mere act of shopping at Wal-Mart seems suspicious given how Wal-Mart has overrun small, local businesses with its corporate business model.
I’m really glad Janet Napolitano now has Americans watching out for each other at Wal-Mart. It’s really important because if we’re going to be safe from terrorism, we all need to stop scrutinizing the government itself and spend more time spying on each other. It worked for Stalin, after all. It’s the People who are dangerous, not the government, didn’t you know?
Watch my full video at: http://naturalnews.tv/v.asp?v=5A4B5D4B84344D…
(For the record, yes this article is satire. But it’s satire with a point: To show how ridiculous this new “spy on your citizens” program from DHS really is.)