Tuesday, September 15, 2015 by newsparody
Why let Congress have all the fun? You can create your own personal “economic stimulus plan” too. How do you do it? Just follow these five basic steps:
Step 1: Write a 1,000 page shopping list of all the stuff you want to buy.
Just type up a list of everything you’ve ever wanted to spend money on, but couldn’t afford to: Cars, luxury clothing, jewelry, a big new house with a swimming pool, fancy art on the wall, exotic vacations, your own private jet… the sky’s the limit!
Step 2: Go shopping with your credit cards
The next step is easy: Grab your credit cards and head to the malls. Shop for all the stuff that’s on your 1,000-page shopping list. Run up all the credit you want!
Step 3: Print up counterfeit money to pay off the credit cards
Here’s the really clever part: Just follow what the Federal Reserve does! Pick up a U.S. Treasury printing press and just start printing $100 bills like mad!
Step 4: Use the counterfeit money to pay off your credit cards
Next, take all the counterfeit money you’ve printed up and deposit it in your bank account. From there, simply pay off your credit cards. Voila! The debt is magically gone!
Step 5: Repeat!
But don’t stop with doing it just once. Your own personal economics can be so downright stimulating, can’t they? Invoke your economic stimulus process every few months, buying up all the things you don’t really need while paying for it with money created out of nothing!
Oh yeah, and don’t worry about all the other people being harmed by all the counterfeit money you’re pumping into the money supply. They’re all getting bailed out by the Fed anyway, right? Keep that printing press pumping!
Just tell them this is about JOBS! You’re creating JOBS! Like the jobs of all those people at the car dealer you bought from, and the shoe stores you shopped at, and the private charter jet company you hired on your round-the-world trip. All those people have jobs because of your personal economic stimulus plan, don’t they? Who can argue with that?
And besides, you can tell them, “This is better than just DOING NOTHING, isn’t it?” These Secret Service types apparently want you to just sit there and do nothing. That’s silly when you could be running the printing presses and creating JOBS!
Now, obviously, this whole article is satire…
… or is it? Because, if you think about it, this is exactly what Congress has just authorized for the nation! It’s a wild spending spree paid for with counterfeit money that’s simply being created out of thin air as if the Fed were running a grand counterfeiting operation.
Technically, it IS running a counterfeit operation. The only difference between the Fed’s counterfeit operation and YOUR counterfeit operation is that theirs is legal.
Which just goes to show ya: If you’re going to counterfeit money, don’t do it small time. Think big! Counterfeit the currency for an entire nation! And then, with the help of enough politicians, your counterfeiting magically becomes known as “fiscal policy!”
By the way, as the author of this satire article, I’m also the guy who wrote the super-popular song, I Want My Bailout Money, which you can listen to here: http://www.naturalnews.com/I_Want_My_Bailout…