Tuesday, September 15, 2015 by newsparody
Big Tobacco has joined forces with the breast cancer industry in the launch of its newest product aimed at raising money for breast cancer research: “Pink ribbon” SlimSmokes cigarettes for women. For every pack of cigarettes sold, the manufacturer pledges to donate two cents to breast cancer research. “We aim to raise money to help find a cure for breast cancer,” said Yin Hailing, spokesperson for Phillip Porous, the maker of pink ribbon SlimSmokes cigarettes. “Because the longer our best customers live, the more they can smoke!”
Hi-res versions of the advertisements being used to promote the new pink ribbon cigarettes are found here:
The pink ribbon cigarettes join numerous other cancer-causing products in the marketplace already sporting pink ribbon symbols, including batteries made with toxic heavy metals and popular skin care products laced with cancer-causing petrochemicals. Pink ribbons are also found on cancer-promoting nail polish and cosmetics containing parabens and other chemicals. Pink ribbon SlimSmokes will be sold at selected retailers, including Bad Breath and Beyond, a popular retailer of toxic home care products for consumers.
Shareholders of a top chemotherapy drug producer, ConPfuzer, hailed the new product as a “milestone success for its shareholders and stakeholders,” claiming the new cigarettes would simultaneously appeal to women while greatly increasing the demand for chemotherapy treatments of breast cancer tumors.
The Susie B. Wheezie Foundation, a top cancer non-profit organization that helped secure the pink ribbon deal with Phillip Porous, applauded the new product launch, saying “By selling more pink ribbon cigarettes, we’ll raise awareness of breast cancer, and that will translate into more mammograms, more chemotherapy and more radiation treatments that enrich our largest corporate donors!”
Not everyone is convinced that raising money for breast cancer research by selling cigarettes to women is a great idea. Consumer health advocate and cancer industry critic Mike Adams (aka “The Health Ranger”) questioned the sanity of the plan, saying that, “Pink ribbons have become corporate graffiti. They’re used to exploit consumers’ emotional associations for the purpose of selling more products that will actually harm them. Non-profit cancer groups should be ashamed of themselves for associating their name, and their symbols, with any product that promotes cancer, even beyond cigarettes,” Adams said.
Mike Adams is the author of the popular Breast Cancer Deception report making the rounds on the internet. It exposes what Adams calls the lies, corruption and consumer exploitation of the breast cancer industry. The report is available at no charge online at: http://www.NaturalNews.com/Report_Breast_Canc…
Most doctors now agree that the inhaling of carcinogens in tobacco smoke is the No. 1 cause of breast cancer in the United States, and they warn women against smoking. Interestingly, the No. 2 cause of breast cancer is chronic vitamin D deficiency, yet neither the medical establishment nor the cancer industry currently expresses any interest in urging women to get more vitamin D through sunlight exposure or nutritional supplementation. Recent research has shown that vitamin D halts 77 percent of all cancers from becoming full-blown tumors, including breast cancer, prostate cancer, colon cancer and leukemia. The vast majority of women in the United States remain chronically vitamin D deficient, putting their bodies in a state of accelerated tumor growth.
Despite critics’ concerns, those organizations involved in the new pink ribbon cigarettes believe the product will be a huge market success. Focus group have proven that the pink ribbon symbol appeals to many woman who blindly buy anything carrying the symbol, regardless of the health consequences experienced from using such products. “When women see pink, they forget how to think,” reported one researcher who wishes to remain anonymous. “They buy anything with a pink ribbon on it, even though our research shows that 99.6% of women have no idea how much money from their purchase actually goes to breast cancer research, or even where it goes. This is classic Pavlovian conditioning engineered entirely by corporate interests.”
One thing for sure: The more that women keep buying these pink ribbon cigarettes, the more money they’ll collectively raise to help find a cure for the very disease they’ll be giving themselves by smoking: Breast cancer! Accordingly, the Susie B. Wheezie Foundation proclaimed that buying these pink ribbon cigarettes is like “investing in your own future,” since funds from the sales will be used to find a cure for the disease caused by the product itself. A new event called, “Smoke for the cure” is planned for next year as a way to increase product sales and raise more money for breast cancer research.
Disclaimer: This article is a parody of pink ribbon promotions used to hype consumer products. It is published under the protection of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, and it is offered as entertaining public commentary for the purpose of stirring thoughtful debate over the current use of pink ribbons to market consumer products containing (or producing) cancer-causing substances. Any resemblance to actual product names, company names or non-profit names is purely coincidental. In no way does this parody piece intend to imply that non-profit cancer groups would endorse tobacco (although doctors and non-profits certainly did decades ago).