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Clinton

10/25/2016 / By newsparody

Teary-Eyed Tim Kaine Asks Clinton If His Hair Will Grow Back In Time For Election Day

NEW YORK—His lower lip quivering while showing his running mate the uneven patches on his head where he attempted to give himself a trim, a teary-eyed Tim Kaine reportedly asked Hillary Clinton this morning if his hair would grow back in time for Election Day. “I just wanted to look nice for TV, but I […]

10/12/2016 / By newsparody

Weird Relative At Family Reunion Knows How Everyone Related To Each Other

WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other. “Susan’s on another level—she could look at anyone […]

10/10/2016 / By newsparody

Wall Street Executive Telling Friend How Amazing It Is To See Clinton Live

NEW YORK—Telling several members of the investment bank’s board of directors how they had to check her out whenever they get a chance, Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein was overheard Monday describing to friends how incredible it is to see Hillary Clinton live. “You can forget any recordings you’ve heard of Hillary, because they don’t […]

07/25/2016 / By newsparody

Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death

MIAMI—In their first official meeting Saturday as Democratic running mates, Hillary Clinton reportedly pulled aside her vice presidential pick, Virginia senator Tim Kaine, and quietly assured him that in the event of her death while in office, she would continue serving as commander-in-chief. “If something unfortunate happens to me in the next four years, I […]

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