Tim Kaine
10/25/2016
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By newsparody
Teary-Eyed Tim Kaine Asks Clinton If His Hair Will Grow Back In Time For Election Day
NEW YORK—His lower lip quivering while showing his running mate the uneven patches on his head where he attempted to give himself a trim, a teary-eyed Tim Kaine reportedly asked Hillary Clinton this morning if his hair would grow back in time for Election Day. “I just wanted to look nice for TV, but I […]
10/05/2016
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By newsparody
Tim Kaine Clearly Ate Rocket Pop During Pence’s Rebuttal
Read more at: theonion.com
10/04/2016
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By newsparody
Tim Kaine Forced To Drink Ipecac After Eating Sheet Of ‘I’m With Her’ Stickers
APPLETON, WI—Acting quickly to induce vomiting, members of Hillary Clinton’s campaign staff confirmed Thursday that they forced Tim Kaine to drink syrup of ipecac after the Democratic vice presidential nominee ate an entire sheet of “I’m With Her” stickers. “We didn’t even notice Tim had gotten into the stickers until he had already swallowed at […]
09/15/2016
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By newsparody
Wound-Up Tim Kaine Running Around Clinton Campaign Headquarters In Pajamas
NEW YORK—Evading staff members and giggling uncontrollably while darting between cubicles, a wound-up Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine was reportedly running around Clinton campaign headquarters Wednesday night in his favorite pair of footie pajamas. “When Tim gets all crazy like this, you just have to let him wear himself out; he was riding around […]
09/01/2016
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By newsparody
Tim Kaine Found Riding Conveyor Belt During Factory Campaign Stop
AIKEN, SC—Noting that he disappeared for over an hour during a campaign stop meet-and-greet with workers at a Bridgestone tire manufacturing plant, sources confirmed Tuesday that Democratic vice presidential candidate Tim Kaine was finally discovered riding on one of the factory’s conveyor belts. “Shortly after we arrived, Tim managed to get out of our sight, […]
08/23/2016
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By newsparody
Giddy Tim Kaine Presses Face Against Campaign Bus Window As Horse Trailer Drives By
LIMA, OH—Pointing at the vehicle and shrieking with delight, giddy Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Kaine reportedly pressed his face against the window of his campaign bus Wednesday to gawk at a passing horse trailer. “Look, look, there’s two horseys!” said Kaine, his eyes widening with excitement and his mouth, nose, and palms leaving large […]
07/27/2016
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By newsparody
Who Is Tim Kaine?
Virginia senator Tim Kaine will be Hillary Clinton’s running mate on the Democratic Party ticket in the 2016 presidential election. Here’s what you need to know about Kaine: (Article by TheOnion.com) Children: Nat Kaine—an active duty infantry officer in the United States Marine Corps—and two others Previous Occupation: Prospective vice presidential candidate Years Spent Sort […]
07/25/2016
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By newsparody
Clinton Assures Tim Kaine She’ll Continue Serving As President In Event Of Her Death
MIAMI—In their first official meeting Saturday as Democratic running mates, Hillary Clinton reportedly pulled aside her vice presidential pick, Virginia senator Tim Kaine, and quietly assured him that in the event of her death while in office, she would continue serving as commander-in-chief. “If something unfortunate happens to me in the next four years, I […]
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