Wednesday, October 12, 2016 by newsparody
WELDON SPRING, MO—Saying she possessed a seemingly limitless wealth of information on various cousins, step-siblings, and in-laws, sources at the 2016 Webb family reunion this past weekend confirmed that weird relative Susan Amos, 73, exhibited a strikingly intricate knowledge of how everyone was related to each other. “Susan’s on another level—she could look at anyone in the room, say who they were, and trace them back to Grandpa Gene [Webb] just like that. She was telling me that Bill is my second cousin’s husband, but I don’t even know who she was talking about,” said reunion attendee Shelly Webb, confirming that her bizarre relative’s encyclopedic knowledge of the Webb family tree went back at least four generations and even included the rarely-heard-from “Anderson branch” that moved to Nebraska in 1996. “The strangest part was when I overheard her explaining to someone else who I was, where I live, and what I do for work, which is crazy because I don’t think I’d met either of them before today.” At press time, sources confirmed that Amos was tearing up while describing the wedding of some nephew nobody had ever heard of named Rick.
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