Monday, September 19, 2016 by newsparody
BROOKLYN, NY—Saying the new interface will help voters learn more about the candidate and her platform, campaign sources confirmed Wednesday that HillaryClinton.com, the official website of the Democratic presidential nominee, is now fully customizable, allowing visitors to change Clinton’s stance on any given issue so that it reflects their own political beliefs.
Article by The.Onion
Top aides told reporters that the “Hillary Clinton on the Issues” section of the site has been revamped so that users can adjust the former secretary of state’s positions on the economy, climate change, taxes, national security, the minimum wage, gun violence, and dozens of other topics until her worldview perfectly aligns with theirs.
“Voters can simply go to the issues page, choose a subject area, and select Secretary Clinton’s personal conviction from a drop-down menu,” said campaign manager Robby Mook, who explained that in addition to selecting a specific belief from among numerous options, visitors could also use a slider tool to move the candidate’s stance on a particular issue further left or right. “Our updated site is really a great way for voters to get to know Hillary and her principles. For example, progressives will be happy to see that she strongly supports universal single-payer health care, while those who are more moderate will appreciate her steadfast belief in a free market–based approach to health care that gives citizens their choice of private insurers.”
“We’re confident that anyone who’s still on the fence about voting for Hillary will like where she stands on the issues once they visit this page,” Mook added.
As an example of the site’s customizability, a section on the Trans-Pacific Partnership reportedly allows users to choose from several preset stances, such as “I believe that TPP is essential to modernizing our economy,” “I agree with the goals of TPP but oppose it in its current form,” and “I have always stood in firm opposition to TPP.” If they do not find any option to their liking, visitors can also use a provided text field on the page to simply write out, in their own words, the belief they want Clinton to have.
Once website visitors have selected Clinton’s views on nearly 40 political and social issues, a computer-generated list of policy proposals and quotations from Clinton tailored to fit a user’s personal viewpoints is said to appear onscreen.
According to staffers, voters can easily create their customized Hillary Clinton issues page in just 10 minutes, and they are encouraged to go back and change her positions as often as they like, depending on how their thoughts on criminal justice, early childhood education, and other matters change throughout the course of the campaign.
“I’ve been using the new website, and it’s great to see that Hillary has the same views as me on every issue across the board,” said Jake Seward, a 34-year-old independent voter from Cleveland who told reporters he was excited to support Clinton after ticking a box on her website that made it say she would decriminalize marijuana use across the country. “Initially, I was worried about some of the positions she has taken, but then I went on her website and checked an option that said she wants to instate a simple flat tax and move to get rid of the IRS, which is exactly what I think should happen, so now I feel a lot better about supporting her.”
“Then I added a pledge to ban capital punishment within her first 100 days in office,” Seward continued. “I’m definitely voting for Hillary.”
At press time, Clinton’s campaign had reportedly debuted a new feature allowing users to delete any corporate donors they don’t wish to see on her campaign finance disclosure reports.
Read more at: theonion.com